Living From My Higher Self

If you’ve read The Hero’s Choice, or followed me for very long, then you’re familiar with the Serenity Model, which suggests four different ways of being–Survival (all about fear and just getting by), Security (about being safe and pleasing others), Success (about achieving and accomplishing), and Serenity (about living consciously, from choice).

Serenity is more than a quiet, meditative approach to life. In fact, as I live from this place, I’m alive, aware and fully engaged. I also get that what matters most is not “outside”–my bank account, job title, house, fame, performance (how many games/contracts I win). Not that these are not important. I climb a mountain. I build a business. I give the game my best. But the mountain, the business, the game are no longer the end. They are the means to a higher end–the end of being fully conscious, present, and responsible for my life. The end of living from the “inside out, in which nothing is bigger than my ability to choose my response and how I’ll live. A new way of living based on a new set of rules. [Read more...]

Count Your Blessings

  • You have a hundred million receptors in your eyes to enjoy the magic of a leaf, a snowflake, pond, child, cloud, star, rose.
  • Twenty four thousand fibers in each ear vibrate at the laugh of a baby, sound of the wind, the waves upon a rock, the call of a robin, children at play.
  • You are able to formulate words to communicate your needs, connect to other people, bring comfort to the unhappy, encourage the defeated. [Read more...]

How to be Optimistic

Life involves stress, even heartache, for all of us. Furthermore, studies of people who are happier than average show that they experience the same number of failures, disappointments and pain as anyone. They are happier not because life treats them differently, but because they use different strategies for dealing with their difficulties, strategies that can be learned and practiced by anyone. 

Psychologist Martin Seligman has been able to demonstrate the differences in people who become depressed and those who do not, based on the kinds of attributions people make during difficult experiences. Three critical differences in attribution determine how people experience setbacks, frustrations and failures. [Read more...]

Quotes on Gratitude

I’ve been writing, recently, about the theme of gratitude as a key to happiness. Not only research but personal experience attest to its value and transforming power. And best of all, it is available to all of us in abundance. All we need to do is train our minds to see the goodness of life.

Here are some quotes on gratitude. Which one speaks most poignantly to you? Why? Let’s enrich each other by leaving a comment explaining why this quote speaks to you, telling us the personal meaning it has for you. Then I want to invite you to memorize it and make it part of your life during the next few weeks. Recall it often. Live its message. [Read more...]

Scarcity and Abundance

We live, primarily, from one of two attitudes. Scarcity is a perspective of fear and lack. I look at life and see what is missing instead of what is available. My income, work, family, achievements are never enough. Something is always missing.

Abundance is the perspective of love and gratitude. I see what is right in my job, family, income, living environment. I experience wonderment about the gift of life and beauties of the world, my friendships and associations. I see what is rather than what is not. [Read more...]

The Paradox of Money

Between the end of World War II into the 21st Century, we Americans, as well as the entire industrialized world, got much richer. Far more wealth was created, during this period of time, than ever in the history of the world. Today we live in bigger homes, drive nicer cars, travel more, engage in more recreation, and benefit from technology that makes our lives incredibly informed and convenient. In short, we enjoy a far wealthier life style than ever before.

Yet the paradox is that, in spite of our affluence, we lead troubled inner lives. After peaking in 1957, the number of Americans who rate themselves as “very happy” has steadily declined. Depression has risen to ten times the rate of 1950. Statistics show that our health, sense of well-being, and connection to others have declined. Amazing that we have a greater standard of living and yet seem more dissatisfied than ever.

What’s up with that? [Read more...]

How to Find Happiness

We all want to be happy. Few would disagree. However, the question is, what is the source of happiness? We’ve been socialized to believe it has to do with:

  • Money
  • Possessions
  • Status
  • Power
  • Talent
  • Beauty
  • Achievement
  • Recreation
  • The “right” partner
  • Other people doing what we want

For example, we hold a belief that people who have more money are happier than those who have less. People who live in a big house, achieve more, or take more vacations are happier than those who do not. We are driven by an implicit belief, in our society today, that “more is better.” [Read more...]

How to Make Better Choices in the Middle of Conflict

Although our “key moments” are difficult to face and handle, they bless our lives because they are the means by which we grow. They give us an opportunity to interrupt old patterns and act from a new set of principles. Here’s an example from The Hero’s Choice. Think about Hal’s interaction with Kathy as he entered their bedroom one evening, intent on making things right and communicating with his wife in a new and better way. [Read more...]

The Power of I Am

I recall an experience from a class I taught several years ago. The class was an intensive experience in personal development, lasting four days. Everything seemed to be going well, for most of the participants. They were open, participating in the exercises, and supporting each other. However, there was one student by the name of Bill who was not engaged in the experience. He had come with his wife and made it clear that he did not want to be there. His posture was defensive and his look bored, throughout most of our time together. Making the situation more difficult, he rebuffed my attempts, both public and private, to understand what he was feeling and offer him support. As time went on and day one rolled into day two and day two into day three, I became increasingly impatient. Bill refused to leave, not wanting to disappoint his wife, but also refused to participate, which greatly affected the other participants during the exercises. [Read more...]

I Choose

Last week I wrote about “who” vs. “what.” We all have lots of “what’s” in our lives, situations and events to which we must respond. Some can be quite challenging. However, by knowing who we are and anchoring ourselves in deep, positive beliefs about our identity, we empower ourselves to respond in positive, non-reactive ways to life events. That was certainly an important reason Elizabeth Smart was able to overcome her tough ordeal. She was an example of hope and courage. [Read more...]