The Power of Emotional Intelligence

For years people assumed that IQ was more predictive of life and occupational success than any other variable. After all, doesn’t it stand to reason that the smartest people will outperform others most of the time? It’s logical, but not true. In fact, recent research has found that people of average IQ will outperform those of high IQ 70% of the time. An amazing fact, which prompted social scientists to search for some other variable to explain success.

After years of research and countless studies, the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) emerged as the missing link. Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and manage your own emotions and the ability to understand and manage your relationships with others. Furthermore, it has been found that emotional intelligence accounts for about 60% of your success on the job and is the biggest predictor of workplace performance, leadership, personal excellence, as well as positive relationships. [Read more...]

The Power of I Am

I recall an experience from a class I taught several years ago. The class was an intensive experience in personal development, lasting four days. Everything seemed to be going well, for most of the participants. They were open, participating in the exercises, and supporting each other. However, there was one student by the name of Bill who was not engaged in the experience. He had come with his wife and made it clear that he did not want to be there. His posture was defensive and his look bored, throughout most of our time together. Making the situation more difficult, he rebuffed my attempts, both public and private, to understand what he was feeling and offer him support. As time went on and day one rolled into day two and day two into day three, I became increasingly impatient. Bill refused to leave, not wanting to disappoint his wife, but also refused to participate, which greatly affected the other participants during the exercises. [Read more...]

I Choose

Last week I wrote about “who” vs. “what.” We all have lots of “what’s” in our lives, situations and events to which we must respond. Some can be quite challenging. However, by knowing who we are and anchoring ourselves in deep, positive beliefs about our identity, we empower ourselves to respond in positive, non-reactive ways to life events. That was certainly an important reason Elizabeth Smart was able to overcome her tough ordeal. She was an example of hope and courage. [Read more...]

Acting from Freedom, not Obligation

I’ve been writing a lot about self-esteem these past several weeks. This week I want to continue the theme of being real by encouraging you to honor and be true to who you are. In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet a father gives his son some advice about shaping his life and character. “This above all: To thine own self be true; and it shall follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” [Read more...]

Being Real

Being real means being who you are rather than trying to be who you are not for the sake of pleasing someone else. It is being comfortable enough in your own skin that you don’t have to play games, pretend, manage an image, etc. You can be you, warts and all. [Read more...]

Become the Source of Your Self Esteem

Do you know someone who would benefit from my weekly newsletter & blog posts? Please forward this page to others you care about. And now on with the message.

Feeling good about yourself on a consistent basis is only possible if you are willing to experience yourself as the source of your own self esteem. Whenever you allow others to decide your worth, life is an roller coaster ride over which you have little control. Taking that responsibility back gives you the power and freedom to be in charge of your life. Ultimately, no one else can decide for us whether or not you have worth. [Read more...]

Letting Go of the Belief that You’re not Good Enough

I’ve been writing about the power of our beliefs these last several weeks. I want to go deeper this week. I’ve worked with lots of people, in both seminars and coaching, who have confronted limiting beliefs very much at the core of their identities. A common belief of masses of people is “I’m not enough,” or “if people really knew me they wouldn’t like me.” Such beliefs are usually formed pretty early in life, at a time when they were vulnerable and lacked the support or internal awareness and resources to make a better decision. Making such a decision can happen as the result of criticism, through comparisons to others, through neglect or abuse. The commonality is that the situation-specific conclusion (often repeated a number of times) sticks and becomes a core belief. [Read more...]

The Power We Give Others

When Carol was a young girl, she exhibited a vivid imagination and proficiency in language skills.  She always received “As” in her English and, in high school, excelled in creative writing.  She even placed second in a short story contest sponsored by a popular teen magazine. It was exciting to see her story in print and receive the small honorarium check that came as a result.  Carol felt that she had found her niche in life.  Encouraged by her mother and teachers, she decided she would be a writer. [Read more...]

Get at the Root of Your Negative Behaviors

Most of us have grown up with beliefs that don’t serve us. We live in an imperfect world. We are nurtured by imperfect care-givers (some much worse than others). And, especially when children, it’s easy to misread cues in our environment and arrive at false conclusions about ourselves, life and relationships. Then we spend our adulthood acting out those beliefs. They become the paradigm, so to speak, from which we view the world. [Read more...]

Resilience in the Face of Hardship

“The strongest oak in the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.” Napoleon Hill

I look around at people who have suffered incredible hardship and wonder how they do it. How is it that some people grow up in very challenging circumstances or experience grea­­t trauma or loss and yet survive? In many cases, not only survive but thrive. Like Charlie Plumb in my last post. Upon being captured, tortured and tossed in a small cell, Charlie wasn’t sure he’d make it or that he wanted to make it. Yet somehow he developed the “attitude,” as his doctor back home called it, to overcome his hellish circumstances. [Read more...]