What Now, Since My New Year’s Resolutions Aren’t Working Out?

We have a natural tendency, at the beginning of a new year, to reflect upon where we are and then set goals or make resolutions for the upcoming year. Actually, as I think about it, the tendency is evidence of an innate desire, as human beings, to learn, grow, progress, and succeed. We recognize that we are not all of who we want to be or have not accomplished all of what we desire and so our inclination is to make promises to ourselves about what we’re going to do differently.

Of course, statistically speaking, most people fail to keep their resolutions more than a few weeks or months into the new year. It seems that those who benefit from the exercise are fitness centers and authors of weight loss books. The vast majority of people simply run out of steam. They don’t have the momentum to sustain the feelings (very genuine, by the way) that they want to improve and become better people. [Read more...]

Quotes on Gratitude

I’ve been writing, recently, about the theme of gratitude as a key to happiness. Not only research but personal experience attest to its value and transforming power. And best of all, it is available to all of us in abundance. All we need to do is train our minds to see the goodness of life.

Here are some quotes on gratitude. Which one speaks most poignantly to you? Why? Let’s enrich each other by leaving a comment explaining why this quote speaks to you, telling us the personal meaning it has for you. Then I want to invite you to memorize it and make it part of your life during the next few weeks. Recall it often. Live its message. [Read more...]

How to Find Happiness

We all want to be happy. Few would disagree. However, the question is, what is the source of happiness? We’ve been socialized to believe it has to do with:

  • Money
  • Possessions
  • Status
  • Power
  • Talent
  • Beauty
  • Achievement
  • Recreation
  • The “right” partner
  • Other people doing what we want

For example, we hold a belief that people who have more money are happier than those who have less. People who live in a big house, achieve more, or take more vacations are happier than those who do not. We are driven by an implicit belief, in our society today, that “more is better.” [Read more...]

Being Real

Being real means being who you are rather than trying to be who you are not for the sake of pleasing someone else. It is being comfortable enough in your own skin that you don’t have to play games, pretend, manage an image, etc. You can be you, warts and all. [Read more...]

The Courage to be Imperfect

Self-acceptance is recognizing that “who I am is okay.” Many people, especially those who are conscientious and internally motivated, have an ideal in mind of who they are supposed to be or what an ideal person is like. Your list may include being intelligent, slim, kind, charming, trustworthy, friendly, young, courageous, frugal, exciting, well-groomed, cheerful, wise, a good conversationalist, witty, loving; the list can go on and on. [Read more...]

The Power of Beliefs to Shape Our Experience…and Destiny

The things that you keep silently telling yourself are your most important conversations. Whatever you habitually dwell on in your mind, you will become, express, or experience. Your subconscious mind will be your best friend or your worst enemy. Everything depends on the way you train it and the use you make of it. It is your individual share of the universal creative mind. It is the great cosmic playground of your freedom to think, choose, reason, and decide for yourself. It shapes your destiny and determines the attraction and repulsion of your life. Guard its portals well. It is your hope of heaven.” -Elinor MacDonald

A few weeks back I told the story, “You Get What You’re Looking For.” I’ve had so many people comment that they liked the story that I decided to pick up on this theme again and for a little longer. The point of the story is that we don’t necessarily see things as they are. We see life through a filter and that filter (not reality) determines how we experience life and, eventually, our destinies. [Read more...]

How to Become Emotionally Mature

Hal hated Charlie, everything about him, from his knowing sneer to his rolling swagger. When he saw him enter the restaurant with Keith, he wished fervently he could get away and considered getting up and walking out of the breakfast meeting, without a word to either of his two former partners. But then he garnered his faculties and decided to accept this reality. He would choose how to respond, and his choice would be to be cordial and cooperative. He felt a surge of strength as he realized that handling himself in a dignified manner with both these men would be a bigger personal victory than if he met with Keith alone.

- Excerpt from The Hero’s Choice: Living from the Inside Out

This passage gives you a little insight into emotional maturity. Hal’s immediate reaction was to simply act out his negative emotions. Instead, he made a decision to respond in a more positive (emotionally mature) way. Notice how that decision resulted in a shift in his emotional energy.

I define emotional maturity as the ability to make good, positive, healthy choices during the challenges of life. The following chart illustrates some of the differences in the mindset of someone who is acting emotionally immature vs. mature. [Read more...]