Hal Stratton's (and Your) Personal Transformation
In my last post I introduced four principles for creating positive relationships: empathy, honesty, responsibility and shared vision. I consider them the four cornerstones of a good healthy relationship, whether it be marriage, parent-child, boss-employee and so on. My goal is to grow in my ability to live these qualities in each of my relationships. As I do so, I grow personally and my relationships become stronger, more mature and fulfilling. [Read more...]
In my last post I talked about the relationship between positive social relationships and happiness. Unhappiness is not a mental illness caused by something mysterious going on the brain. Generally, it can be linked to what is going on in your relationships. How are you and your boss (or co-workers) getting along? How close do you feel to your spouse? How well do you and your teenager communicate? Do you enjoy being around your young children? How do you balance the needs and expectations of others against your own? Do you have friendships you enjoy? If things are going well in your relationships, you’re much more likely to be happy. If there is tension and strife, distance and alienation, control and resistance, or unrealized expectations, you’re likely to be unhappy. [Read more...]
In the late 1930s, researchers at Harvard University conceived of a project to understand happiness and personal success. In one of the longest running studies of all time, they began following the lives of 268 men who entered Harvard in the late 1930s up to the present day (most of them having passed-on by now), in order to understand what distinguishes the happiest from the least happy men. In 2009, George Vaillant, who has directed the study for the last 40 years, wrote an article in the Atlantic Monthly summarizing the conclusion of the study in one word: “love.” He went on to say that our relationships with other people matter more to our happiness than anything else in the world. [Read more...]
In my last post, I introduced the following pattern of personal transformation:
In a nutshell, here are the steps: [Read more...]
The Hero’s Choice is a story about the transformation of Hal Stratton from a successful but emotionally underdeveloped man into a person who discovers wholeness inside and goodwill in his relationships. At the beginning of the book, Hal is not emotionally prepared to deal with the crisis of being fired as general manager of Western Realty. (Most people would have a difficult time responding to such a turn of events.) Hal, like so many of us when in crisis, is negative and reactive. He shows little self awareness or willingness to see his responsibility for what has happened. He simply acts out his emotions in non-productive ways. He comes from “survival” rather than “serenity.” [Read more...]
If you’ve read The Hero’s Choice, or followed me for very long, then you’re familiar with the Serenity Model, which suggests four different ways of being–Survival (all about fear and just getting by), Security (about being safe and pleasing others), Success (about achieving and accomplishing), and Serenity (about living consciously, from choice).
Serenity is more than a quiet, meditative approach to life. In fact, as I live from this place, I’m alive, aware and fully engaged. I also get that what matters most is not “outside”–my bank account, job title, house, fame, performance (how many games/contracts I win). Not that these are not important. I climb a mountain. I build a business. I give the game my best. But the mountain, the business, the game are no longer the end. They are the means to a higher end–the end of being fully conscious, present, and responsible for my life. The end of living from the “inside out, in which nothing is bigger than my ability to choose my response and how I’ll live. A new way of living based on a new set of rules. [Read more...]
We have a natural tendency, at the beginning of a new year, to reflect upon where we are and then set goals or make resolutions for the upcoming year. Actually, as I think about it, the tendency is evidence of an innate desire, as human beings, to learn, grow, progress, and succeed. We recognize that we are not all of who we want to be or have not accomplished all of what we desire and so our inclination is to make promises to ourselves about what we’re going to do differently.
Of course, statistically speaking, most people fail to keep their resolutions more than a few weeks or months into the new year. It seems that those who benefit from the exercise are fitness centers and authors of weight loss books. The vast majority of people simply run out of steam. They don’t have the momentum to sustain the feelings (very genuine, by the way) that they want to improve and become better people. [Read more...]
For years people assumed that IQ was more predictive of life and occupational success than any other variable. After all, doesn’t it stand to reason that the smartest people will outperform others most of the time? It’s logical, but not true. In fact, recent research has found that people of average IQ will outperform those of high IQ 70% of the time. An amazing fact, which prompted social scientists to search for some other variable to explain success.
After years of research and countless studies, the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) emerged as the missing link. Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and manage your own emotions and the ability to understand and manage your relationships with others. Furthermore, it has been found that emotional intelligence accounts for about 60% of your success on the job and is the biggest predictor of workplace performance, leadership, personal excellence, as well as positive relationships. [Read more...]
Life involves stress, even heartache, for all of us. Furthermore, studies of people who are happier than average show that they experience the same number of failures, disappointments and pain as anyone. They are happier not because life treats them differently, but because they use different strategies for dealing with their difficulties, strategies that can be learned and practiced by anyone.
Psychologist Martin Seligman has been able to demonstrate the differences in people who become depressed and those who do not, based on the kinds of attributions people make during difficult experiences. Three critical differences in attribution determine how people experience setbacks, frustrations and failures. [Read more...]
